A thief walks into a police station. An officer is at the desk.
Brother, how can I help you?
I came to return what I stole.
Who’d you steal it from?
I don’t know who.
Then how do you know you stole it?
Because it isn’t mine.
Do you remember where you stole it from?
I don’t remember.
Maybe you found it lying around?
No.
Maybe somebody gave it to you?
No.
Then how do you know you stole it?
I’d been wanting the thing.
And?
Not just it, either.
Go on.
I remember how I stole it, too.
What do you remember?
I killed a man and stole it.
What did you say?
I killed a man.
Then you’ll be charged with murder.
I’ll accept whatever’s coming.
Do you know who you killed?
I don’t know who he was, but he’s dead.
Then how do you know you killed him?
I remember him dying.
Do you remember where?
Right there, in his money house.
Are you alright?
I have a man’s soul and a man’s property on my hands.
That’s not an answer. Are you alright?
Is there anyone who’d say he isn’t alright?
If he were sick, why wouldn’t he say so?
He might say my stomach hurts, or my head.
I think you’re a madman.
Speaking of which, something else just came back to me.
What came back?
The man I killed must have been mad himself.
Why do you say that?
Who carries all that money around with him?
It was money you stole?
Yes. A great deal of money.
How much?
A great deal. They keep counting and counting, but it never runs out.
Do you have it now?
I don’t have it on me.
Why not?
I told you, it’s a great deal.
How much, a thousand, twenty, a hundred thousand?
I reached about seven hundred and thirty thousand, then I got tired of counting.
Where is it?
Right there in the house.
And who’s there now?
Nobody.
Anyone else who knows about the money?
There was. Not anymore.
Who was?
The owner of the money. The one I killed.
Anyone else saw?
There was. I killed him too.
Who was he?
A policeman, just like you.
A policeman?
Yes. I called him to hand the money over to him.
What happened?
The two of them came together.
Go on.
One of the policemen said, let’s call other officers.
And then?
The other one said no.
Why?
He said, let’s get rid of this man and split the money.
Get rid of whom, you?
Yes.
What did the other policeman say?
That one was an honest man. He said the place should be sealed off.
Then what?
The thief policeman killed the honest policeman.
How did you escape?
Before he could turn to me, I got him first.
What?
He was going to kill me and take the money.
Are you sick, my friend?
It was the policeman who was sick, not me.
Why?
Because I was telling the truth, and he wanted to kill me for it.
But what if he killed his partner only to take the money, like you said?
If I hadn’t told him the truth, how would he have known where the money was?
So now you’re telling the truth?
Yes. And now you know about the money too.
Where do you live?
At home.
Yes, but where is home?
Kebena.
The money is far from your house?
It’s close.
Will you give me the address?
What will you do with it?
We go together.
If I go, what good is the address to you?
Or you stay here.
And then?
We bring the money.
What if I give you the wrong address, what then?
Why would you not give me the right one?
Because you won’t bring the money.
Or we can go together.
What if I kill you?
Why?
You might try to kill me too?
I won’t kill you.
What guarantee do you give me?
What kind of guarantee do you want?
That you don’t come alone, that other policemen come too.
What’s the problem if the others come?
What kind of problem?
You’ll just leave me here in this jail.
What’s wrong with that? I killed a man.
You didn’t know who you killed.
How do you know I didn’t?
Because of what you yourself told me. That’s what I mean.
Why did you believe me?
Why should I suspect you?
Aren’t you a policeman?
What of it? When a man’s telling the truth, what am I supposed to do?
How did you know it was the truth?
You came in here admitting to a crime, didn’t you?
Have I become a criminal now?
You killed a man, you robbed a man.
Even so, I’m a suspect, not a criminal.
You’re the one suspecting yourself.
So what do you advise?
What if you went free?
Who would release me?
I would.
Why?
What, what is your problem, friend?
I don’t have any problem.
What is it you want?
I don’t want anything.
Then what should I do with you?
Nothing.
I can’t do that.
What do you want done, then?
Just go home, and don’t do this again.
After I killed a man?
Then fine, rot here.
I don’t mind.
And the money, where you’ve hidden it, will you go and show us?
That’s what I’ve been saying I want to do!
What kind of man are you?
A thief. A murderer. A criminal.
But why do you want to be locked up?
Because they’ll come for me. I could even be killed.
Who’s going to kill you?
The people who want the money.
Fine, as you said, let other policemen come.
Alright.
I’ll bring one other officer with me. Just us two?
Just the two of you?
How many do you want?
You should be at least five or six.
That many police wouldn’t draw attention?
I told you, the money is a lot. Who’s going to carry it?
Didn’t you say seven hundred thousand or so?
Yes, but it’s in suitcases. There are a lot of suitcases.
What did you say?
There are a lot of suitcases.
How many?
I’m not sure. Maybe six upstairs, three downstairs, more in another room.
Stop. Stop. Did you rob a bank?
No, a private house.
All this money?
Yes. The man must have been changing dollars, or something. I don’t know.
That’s more than a million birr.
Yes. Many millions, probably.
Listen, have you eaten lunch?
No.
What should I bring you?
Whatever you want.
Better, why don’t we step out and eat something together?
Aren’t I under arrest?
You haven’t been arrested. Who arrested you?
I’m in a police station, aren’t I?
Even so, the station isn’t a jail.
I won’t go outside.
Why not?
I told you, they’ll kill me.
I’ll protect you.
What I’m afraid of, looks a lot like you.
Listen. Lower your voice now and let’s talk.
Alright. What should I say?
Listen. This money is a great deal of money.
So?
Why should somebody else eat it? Why don’t we share it?
I don’t want the money.
Fine. So if I take it, what’s your problem?
Take it. What do I care?
Then give me the address.
But if I tell you, will you believe me?
What choice do I have? Why would I suspect you?
For that matter, I haven’t even seen it myself.
A minute ago you said you knew.
I thought I did, but I have to see it for myself.
If I step out for a moment, will you tell anyone?
If they ask me, what do I do?
Who’s going to ask you?
The other policemen.
You can’t just stay quiet?
They’ll beat me.
What a mess.
It’s a very difficult thing.
You keep saying that.
I see you’re stuck. What should I say?
You haven’t been stuck?
Now I’m fine.
How?
I’ve got you, haven’t I?
Why?
Who’s going to touch me?
How?
Not just other people, even you can’t touch me.
How so?
Aren’t you a policeman? Why shouldn’t the money be yours?
Why? I think I’m doing the work for him.
I see, you’re suffering before you’ve even got it?
Let me get it first. Worry about the suffering then.
Are you married?
Oh my god, God bless you.
What?
I’ll call my wife and consult her.
Do you have a child?
No. My wife always finds a way.
Call her, then.
But what do I tell her?
Call her and put me on. I’ll tell her.
What will you tell her?
If you can tell her yourself, tell her. If you can’t, I’ll do it.
What are you going to say?
What’s the worry, either you try, or you put me on.
God almighty, dragging my wife into this.
Into what?
Into this mess.
Yes. Money is a mess.
A very dirty thing.
Then why shouldn’t it be yours?
You think I love it?
Who made you?
Life made me. My wife. My poor mother.
Where is your mother?
A country woman. Out in the countryside.
If you had money, what would you do for her?
Bring her here.
And then?
What do you mean, and then?
What would she do here?
She’d live in comfort.
How much would be enough for comfort?
I’ve never been in comfort. How would I know?
Then how can you be sure?
Money, isn’t it?
Without money, how do you know?
Money is something you know about only after it comes.
That’s true.
Money changes a person.
It certainly does. I already saw it change you before it even arrived.
What did you say?
Call your wife.
I told you, I don’t know what to say.
You’ll put me on.
What will you say to her?
I’ll know once I’m talking to her.
Are you alright?
Friend, is it my soundness of mind you want, or the money?
The officer dials. Senayit answers.
Hello?
Yes?
Honey, how was your day?
I’m here. How are you?
Where are you?
I’m at home. Why?
Is anyone with you?
Why, should there be? I’m about to say yes there is.
Don’t joke, please. I need to tell you something.
There’s no one. Tell me.
Look, I’m going to put someone on with you.
What someone?
Don’t ask anything. There’s no time.
What’s going on? Are you serious?
Yes. There’s no time. We have to move fast.
A man, you say?
Look, whatever he tells you, just say yes.
Wait, I…
It’s for our good. A very big good.
Wait, explain to me.
The thief takes the phone.
Hello?
Hello, yes?
Is this honey?
I’m not honey. My name is Senayit.
Ah, I heard your husband call you “honey,” so I assumed.
Ha. Alright. What should I call you?
I’m the owner of the money.
What money?
Money you’ve never seen.
I don’t understand.
That’s why I’m calling, so that you will.
I still don’t understand.
How would you understand if I haven’t told you?
Then tell me!
Just say yes to me. It doesn’t matter.
Fine, tell me.
There’s a great deal of money, enough for both of you.
Where is it?
In a certain place.
Oh, please, which bank?
I’m not joking.
Yes?
If you joke once more, I’ll hang up.
Tell me, quickly.
You don’t have patience for getting money?
Since when does money come through patience?
I’ve told you, this is your last chance. I’ll hang up.
Fine. I’m listening.
In ten minutes, get to your husband’s workplace, fast.
Yes?
I’m done. Put your husband on.
The officer takes the phone back.
Hello, honey.
What is going on?
Just come, now. Run.
Wait.
Listen, there’s no time. Hurry.
What am I supposed to do when I get there?
Don’t ask. Just come.
But.
Bye, bye. Just bye.
He hangs up.
You hung up on her?
What was I supposed to say?
Will she come?
You know that, don’t you?
Know what?
The come you told her.
That, yes. When money calls, who stays silent?
After she gets here, what’s your plan?
We go together.
Where?
Your house.
Our house?
Yes.
Why?
Isn’t that better than this?
It is, much better.
Is your house far?
You said ten minutes, didn’t you know?
I don’t know. The one giving the orders doesn’t keep track of the listener’s time.
So you’re the one giving the orders, now?
Past you, even your wife, looks like I’m in charge.
Couldn’t you skip the insult?
Couldn’t you skip the money?
If I’m not insulted, can’t I have it?
Even insulted, you wouldn’t have it.
What?
Even insulted, you wouldn’t have it.
You mean I might not get it at all?
How would I know?
How so?
You, me, your wife, that’s three of us.
The money you mentioned wouldn’t be enough for the whole country?
If you got it, would you share it with the whole country?
You’re a real comedian.
When the question gets hard, you turn it into a joke?
It didn’t get hard.
Then why didn’t you answer?
How can I answer about money I don’t have in my hand?
Money you don’t have in your hand, and you called your wife?
You’re the one who called her, not me.
You sure about that?
What else are you about to say?
Didn’t you say to tell her yes to anything?
So what if I did?
That was the order.
And?
Your wife is on her way.
And?
Then we go to your house.
And then?
Then we’ll see what happens.
If you try anything else, I’ve told you.
What can you do to me?
You’re a very difficult man.
The choice is yours. I might not go at all.
You called my wife all the way out here, and.
Don’t say “called” to me, I’ve told you.
Doesn’t matter, the point is, you’re going.
Actually, thinking about it, it’d be better if I didn’t.
Hey, now you’re going too far.
How?
My wife is on her way.
If she comes, fine, can I not change my mind?
What is making you act like this?
The money.
A minute ago you said you didn’t want it.
I still don’t.
Then what’s changing your mind?
I go to your house, I just land in a bigger jail.
Why would you be jailed? You’d be comfortable there.
Why comfortable?
For one thing, you’d be well looked after.
What would you do for me?
Whatever you want.
Or whatever you want?
You’re tying me in knots.
What did you say?
Nothing, we’ll do whatever you want.
Is that your wife?
Where?
That woman, is it her?
Yes, it is. How did you know?
You can tell from the way she’s looking around.
Let me go speak with her a moment.
Go on. I’ll be right here.
The thief approaches Senayit.
Meet her, this is my wife. Her name is Senayit.
Hello, honey.
I told you, it’s Senayit.
What’s wrong with calling her honey?
It’s fine, let him call me whatever he likes. Hello.
How are you?
I’m here. Honey told me everything already.
Wait, he’s “honey” too?
Yes, that’s what we call each other.
My god, in all this bitterness, calling each other “honey”…
What did you say?
Never mind. I’ll drop it. Who’s Senayit?
What is it you’ve dropped?
The “honey,” I mean.
As you like. So what should we do now?
Like your husband told you, let’s go to your house.
Fine, let’s go. Get up.
How did you get here?
By bajaj. Can we take a taxi from here?
Doesn’t matter, let’s walk, actually.
Straight to the house?
Yes. I told your husband.
Yes, he told me.
Where is your husband?
Right behind us.
Why?
He said he’d follow at a distance so we wouldn’t be seen together.
Smart of him.
Yes. Better that way.
Have you been married long?
Seven years.
Do you work?
I don’t.
Then how do you live?
My husband works. I try a few things myself.
What things?
What is there that I haven’t tried?
Why no children?
He refused me.
Or you refused him?
What kind of question is that?
How so?
In one second, how many questions did you ask me?
Should I stop?
Have you got nothing to say?
I was making conversation.
Don’t you have any other game?
Do you love money?
Is there anyone who hates money?
I don’t love it.
My husband seemed to trust you completely.
You suspect me?
When did you give me time to think?
How much time do you need?
For what?
To trust you.
I don’t know a thing.
What did you want to know?
The whole thing sounds like a folktale.
Why do you say that?
Because it isn’t believable.
What isn’t?
Everything you’ve said.
What did we say?
How would I know?
What is it you don’t know?
The whole story.
What story?
Somewhere, there’s a great deal of money…
And?
We go and get it.
And?
After that, how would I know?
After we bring the money, what do you think we’ll do?
How would I know?
How don’t you know?
How would I?
If you won the lottery, what would you do?
I’ve never played the lottery.
Why not?
Because I’d never win.
Why wouldn’t you win?
Does everyone who plays win?
Does anyone who doesn’t play win?
Why would they?
So wouldn’t winning be better?
Oh, please. You’re exhausting.
So you don’t believe the money exists?
I said I don’t know.
But your husband seems to believe?
I told you, he believes you.
So he believed, you suspected?
That’s how it seems.
What if we dropped the whole thing?
The what?
The money.
After we’ve come this far?
Yes, actually, I could just go back to the jail.
That isn’t going to happen.
Why not?
What, are you joking?
What made me joke?
I’m the one who’s joking.
What were you joking about?
When I said I don’t believe you?
Now you believe me?
Oh god, please, don’t aggravate my husband.
Why would he be aggravated?
To have done all this, gotten this far…
So you do it, then.
Me? What can I do?
Fine, let me just get to the house.
What did you decide?
We leave you behind. Just your husband and I finish it.
Now I’m in it too. Where to, where to?
Didn’t you say you didn’t believe?
So what if I did?
How can it work with you doubting?
I was doubting the story, not the money.
Ha, you’re very funny.
What was I supposed to say?
If all that money came to you now, what would you do with it?
Let it come, and let it trouble me.
But don’t you see the danger?
What danger?
The law.
What does the law do to me?
Your husband is a policeman. You’re an accomplice.
What if we are?
If you get caught tomorrow, what will you say?
Why would we get caught?
You don’t know what you’re getting into.
I’m not getting into anything.
You don’t want to, either?
I don’t.
Then as I said, your husband and I will finish it alone.
So you don’t fear the law?
I don’t. I don’t know about your husband.
He’s been “the law, the law” his whole life, and kept us poor.
What was he supposed to do?
He just keeps saying, I am a servant of the people.
He doesn’t cooperate with thieves? Doesn’t take bribes?
Never. My husband is a very clean, honest man.
You believe him that much?
Yes. I know our life. There are days he goes without eating.
He has a salary, doesn’t he?
A salary? Don’t make me laugh. A policeman has no salary.
But people don’t believe them.
People want the police to protect them from thieves, but they don’t care if the police don’t eat.
You think police are hated?
Yes, what question is that?
Yes, you’re right. People want the police to find thieves when they’re robbed, but they don’t want the police to find them when they steal.
You, you stole the money?
Yes.
And then you went to the police station?
Yes.
Why?
I told you, the money is a lot.
If it were a little, would you not have gone?
If it were a little, I wouldn’t have stolen it at all.
You’re a crooked thing, and funny.
Why didn’t you stop your husband when he got into this?
I was surprised myself. It shocked me.
Why did it shock you?
One, it’s against his principle.
Two?
I don’t know how he was thinking he’d ever get out of this.
Why do you think he got into it?
He seems to have been changing lately.
What changed him?
The neighborhood, his family, everyone insults him in their barbs.
Saying what?
They blame him for everything in the country.
Like what?
If a house gets torn down, you, demolishing the poor’s houses.
What else?
When bribes pile up, you, taking bribes, working with thieves.
So that’s why you said.
Not just that. His mother’s illness. My complaining. The rising cost of living. It’s a lot.
It’s strange. I’ll be right back, let me find a toilet.
The thief steps away. Senayit turns to her husband as he catches up.
Hey, honey, where did the man go?
He’s in the toilet. Calm down.
He’s been in there a while?
He went in as soon as we arrived. He hasn’t come out.
You’re just sitting there saying nothing?
What was I supposed to say to him, it’s a toilet.
I mean, if he’s been a long time.
Where is he going to go? It has no window.
You sat where you can see the door?
Ah, you, watching out. Could be. I didn’t even think of it that way.
You talked on the way?
A little, yes. But it’s confusing.
What’s confusing you?
I don’t know. There’s a feeling, you know…
You didn’t believe him?
What choice do I have?
How so?
Rather than melt away saying I don’t believe, it’s better to play along.
That’s exactly what I was thinking, too. And who knows?
But where did you find him?
He walked straight into our station.
And said what?
He said, I killed a man, I’m turning myself in.
He killed a man?
He says so.
That’s a problem.
It is a problem, no question.
So where did the money come from?
He says there’s a lot of money in the house where he killed the man.
How much?
Who knows? Many suitcases, he says.
So he’s saying, I killed a man, there’s a lot of money.
Yes.
But isn’t that a crime?
True. The man’s dead. But the money is there.
What do you mean?
The man is dead. He won’t be coming back.
The point isn’t whether the man comes back, a man’s been killed.
Yes, he’s been killed. But the money isn’t dead.
Stolen money should be returned to the government, shouldn’t it?
Should we return it? Actually, should we do that?
Oh, please, we’re already in it.
The only thing getting us out of this peacefully is the money.
God forbid, but what if there’s no money?
What can be done? We melt away.
The shame would be terrible.
After poverty, shame doesn’t scare me much.
Where did you get this nerve?
I don’t know myself. I think it’s not greed, it’s bitterness pushing me.
You’re right. They say your mother’s heart is sour.
Who told you?
Mitku’s wife, I ran into her at the market.
Yes, after our brother died, she hasn’t been well.
She’s a little better now, but she misses you, she said.
I can’t go. And not bringing her here is not an option.
Won’t they give you leave?
If they did, with what would I go, as you well know?
Maybe this money, then.
It’s a dream, dear, it feels like a dream.
My god, these days, dreams come without sleeping.
When you looked at him, what did you think? Is he trustworthy?
He doesn’t seem like an ordinary man. He knows what he’s doing.
He doesn’t look like what you’d call a thief.
Not at all.
I felt the same. He even seems educated.
Forget educated. What does that do for us?
How so?
The educated always toy with us.
Is he toying with us too, you think?
Playing with fire? I don’t think so.
You’re right. Educated men are cowards.
When they do dare, they’re brazen.
They don’t stop at killing.
This one even said it. I killed a man, he said.
Let the educated do my killing for me, as they say.
But he’s afraid of me too.
Why?
He says, after you get the money, you’ll kill me.
Say the money is found, what would you do with the man?
I wouldn’t kill him, of course.
And if it isn’t found?
Now you’re starting to sound like him.
You’re starting to sound like him too. You’ve changed.
Money changes people. Let me say it.
What they cooked up together is good.
But what do you think he really wants?
Not jail, not no-jail. He doesn’t want the money either.
Maybe he thought, I’ll be caught one way or another.
He might be afraid the police could kill him, too.
Then why did he come out with you?
That’s what surprised me.
Go on, knock on the door. He hasn’t come out.
If he does, what do we say?
If he comes out, what could he say?
Even if he says let me take you to the money, we should think about what we’ll do.
He does have a point. If we find it, how and with what do we bring it back?
If the money is found, never mind the money, we don’t come back here either.
You’re funny.
I’m serious. Why would we come back?
Where would we go?
We’d disappear.
Where?
They say if you have money, there’s a road in the sky.
You’re telling the truth, we see it every day.
Yes. Actually, we wouldn’t disappear. We’d appear.
You’re right. Money doesn’t hide; it walks the public square.
Even now, is it tonight, or morning, that we go?
Where?
To the money, of course.
Morning. Night is dangerous.
Why is it dangerous?
What if your police friends saw us?
We’d be in a car, how would they see us?
Where do we get a car?
We need to find a car. How are we going to load all that money?
This thing is getting complicated.
It’s money, isn’t it. The complications never end.
Ground we haven’t even reached, and already.
There’s loading. And unloading.
Yes, when there’s a lot of money, it weighs on you. It isn’t easy to have.
Originally published in Amharic in Ledesta. By Dereje Desta.
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